When Yelling Isn’t About the Yelling!
For conscious and heart-centred parenting
We often think yelling is the problem — that if we could just stop raising our voice, we’d be calmer parents.
But yelling isn’t the root issue. It’s a signal. Frustration is a feeling.
Yelling is what happens when that feeling becomes too big for our nervous system to hold.
Sometimes, our nervous system isn’t overreacting — it’s remembering.
Maybe your body learned long ago that yelling was a way to cope with stress, and now it’s trying to protect you, even when the threat isn’t real.
Yelling often means:
Unmet need + Overwhelmed Nervous System + Disconnection.
Maybe you’re running on little sleep.
Maybe you’ve repeated yourself ten times and feel invisible.
Maybe you’re carrying too many responsibilities, and the smallest trigger feels like too much.
When we see yelling as communication — not failure — we can meet ourselves with compassion instead of shame.
Because behind every outburst is a parent who’s trying their best, with the tools and energy they have in that moment.
Next time you find yourself yelling, try pausing afterward, not to judge yourself, but to ask:
👉 What need of mine went unmet?
👉 What part of me felt overwhelmed?
👉 Where did disconnection sneak in?
This is how we begin to repair — not by demanding perfection, but by meeting ourselves with the same understanding we want to give our children.
Gentle reminder: growth begins in awareness, not in blame.
🧘♀️The Practice of Emotional Reset
This is where practice comes in. It’s the pause that allows us to lend our calm to breathe before we respond.
When we practice emotional regulation, we shift from:
🔻 Lower Brain (Reactive): Trigger → Reaction
to
🔹 Whole Brain (Regulated): Trigger → Emotion → Feeling → Processing → Response
Every time we do this, we’re not only rewiring our own brain — we’re teaching our child how to do the same.
The formula to reset is FNS= Feeling + Need + Specific Action.
We use our bodies to embrace and practice self-empathy:
→ F: focus on the physical sensation
→ E: embrace this moment as a temporary messenger, teaching us something
→ E: expand into the left brain with 3 feeling words
→ L: label the underlying need(s)
Once you’ve named your Feelings and Needs, think of specific actions that can help you.
Ask yourself gently:
Is bath time triggering you? Maybe it’s time to ask for shared responsibility — even twice a week can make a difference.
Are morning routines too demanding? Try anticipating a few tasks the night before to ease the rush.
Do you feel touched out or overstimulated? Take five quiet minutes alone before rejoining your child.
Small adjustments like these aren’t about control — they’re about care.
Each one is a way of meeting needs, calming nervous system, and creating space for connection to flow again.
This is what “Power With” parenting is all about: connection before correction, understanding before reaction, communication over coercion, equality and mutual Respect.
Take a moment today to pause when a strong emotion arises and you would like to yell!
Notice how even a few breaths can create space for a more grounded response.
If, like me, you sometimes don’t know where to pause, reset and ask for support — I’m here for you. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Let’s build your fulfilled family—together.
One-on-One Parenting Coaching
3-week Life’s transition programs
Community Group
Bridging Generations: Conscious Parenting workshop for Grandparents.